George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi was going up to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the
light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.
   He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and he said, "No". Then they said that all
patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be along when available.
George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again. Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now 'cause I've just shot them all."
   Then he hung up.
   Within five minutes three police cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence and caught the burglars red-handed. One of the Policemen said to George, "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"
    George said, "I thought you said there was Nobody Available!"

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Apparently, this is a true story. I have no references for you, but I'm told it's true. Just like everything else you find on the internet, but this one has a little more tone of believability. Oh well, whatev. It just brings to mind other sayings, like 'my .44 Magnum is faster than your 911'. Or 'Premises protected by Winchester Security'.

 

Yeah...

If I spent that wrong, blame the brain. Or lack thereof. I didn't look it up. And in case you're wondering, no. The title has absolutely nothing to do with the subject of this entry.

 

In case my loyal readers (and I use that term with a generous dose of liberality) haven't noticed, a number of my recent blogs have had a political or current event-ish tone, and involved a bit of ranting. Either that, or they stand with jaws slackened and mouths agape, pointing at some amazing form of art that the author of this blog cannot possibly hope to even dream of duplicating. Of course, things like these have their place. Morons should be brought to attention and then showered with contempt. Artists should be brought to attention and applauded.

 

However, in an attempt to keep the levels of contempt and applause to a manageable level, I am going to augment them with a healthy dose of humour, or at least, attempt to. Some of you find my sense of humour and comments funny, others of you do not. You win some, you lose some. I shall do my best to provide some comic relief at least once a week. The delivery of said humour will be in various forms; possibly a joke or three, maybe a satirical newspeice, maybe a story. Quite possibly some plays on words. Anyways, without further ado...

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Q: What's the difference between golfers and skydivers?

 

 

 

A:

Golfers go: *WHACK*............"DAMN!"

 

Skydivers go: "DAMN!"...................................................................*WHACK*

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An elephant, a giraffe, and a mouse, a Catholic priest, an Anglican minister, and a Pentecostal pastor, a snail, a rabbit, and a parrot, a Russian, an American, and a Canadian, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead, an Irishman, a Frenchman, and a Scot, and a bowl of peanuts all walk into a bar.

 

 

 

"Whoa, whoa, wait a second." The bartender says. "Is this some kinda joke?"

---

 

 

Men live in a fantasy world. I know this because I am one, and I actually receive my mail there. - Scott Adams

---

 

 

 

All rightey. It's been just over 6 months since I took up blogging again. Here's a recap of the last 6 months of my life:

 

I have:

 

Finished High School English. Permanently

 

Had a girlfriend

 

Taken driver's ed

 

Made new friends

 

Lost old friends

 

Grown up

 

Had my perceptions of life completely re-arranged

 

Been depressed

 

Had many late-night discussions

 

Loved

 

Lived

 

Changed

 

Walked away from everything I have ever known

 

Started playing hockey again

 

Scored my first hat trick

 

Purchased a cello

 

Taken up rock climbing

 

Developed a dislike of Social Studies

 

Come to an understanding with who and what I am, and who and what I am not

 

Taken up photo-editing

 

Realized who my true friends are

 

Been lame

 

Interdigitated

 

Learned to take life one step at a time

 

Learned to listen to advice

 

Learned.

WARNING/DISCLAIMER: Bad language used, and disturbing content discussed and linked to. If you are easily offended by foul language, or cannot stomach unpleasant discussions, please do not read this. Regardless, I believe this is something that needs to be brought to people's attention.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 READ THESE FIRST:

 

Read this link:

 

 

And then this link (entry is halfway down the page):

 

 

And then this link (entry is halfway down the page):

 

 

 

 

 

And now I speak. I realize that the vast majority of teenagers are nothing like the ones mentioned, but I'm talking about the minority that actually do stuff like this.

 

As a member of the generation of youths who are being raised to do stuff like this, I am immensely ashamed. The level of depravity that it takes to beat a defenseless homeless person to death, and then have the gall to wipe shit on his face afterwards is completely beyond my grasp of comprehension.

 

These kids then blame video games as the instigator for their actions. They call it 'sport killing'. Middle-class white kids with no criminal record, and nothing better to do than copy ideas off of Grand Theft Auto and try them in real life. And what do they say when they get caught? "It was fun."

 

Fun? Fun? Since when is ganging up on a defenceless person 'fun'? Who the hell does stuff like that? They have to treat soldiers for post-trauma stress. These guys kill people for a living, and then have nightmares where they relive what they've seen and done every night. They lose sleep over having killed people. These kids? They kill a homeless person for fun, and then run off to grab a bite to eat at McDonalds. They don't lose sleep. They don't even bat an eyelash. They brag about it.

 

How much of it is these kids' fault? Might it be a result of playing realistically violent video games? I don't think so. The violence is desensitizing. Kids laugh as they play GTA, effortlessly hosing down a crowd of civilians with an M16. At least for me, I laugh as a defence mechanism. I've played GTA. I've callously mowed down a group of pedestrians and laughed while doing it. I laugh to brush the touch of Reality off and convince myself that it's not real. In reality, what runs through my mind is 'Oh my God, that's fucking disgusting. Why am I doing this? This is sick.' Violence is everywhere. On TV, in movies, in video games, in music, on the news, in the commercials in between shows, in the books that we read. Kids are raised to think death and murder and violence are just a normal part of growing up. They see their heroes surrounded by violence and bathed in blood, and they want to emulate them. Common sense isn't so common anymore. It seems like parents fail to instil basic principles in their children. Things like 'murder is wrong'. Things like the Golden Rule. Things like the 10 Commandments. Without getting into the whole shitfest of religion in schools, would it be possible to even keep just the basic principles that something like the 10 Commandments emphasizes? I'll bet it would make a world of difference. Children need to be taught to take responsibility for their actions. If nothing else, these kids need to be taught that action A results in reaction B, which has consequence C, and that they must own up for what they do. It doesn't take any spine at all to attack a defenseless person. Afterwards, it doesn't take balls to brag about what you did. No. It takes balls to stand up and say 'No. This is wrong.' when your friends start throwing the rocks. The CNN article states that the 'mob mentality' kicks in, and even the perpetrators don't know what they're doing. I disagree. You're still fully responsible for your actions, and I think still fully aware of them until you choose to deaden yourself to the atrocity you're creating.

 

Responsibility. OWN THE FUCK UP FOR YOUR ACTIONS. And use some God-forsaken common sense.

 

Even if crimes like these go unpunished on Earth, how much worse it will be for the offenders when they stand in front of God Almighty.

 

 

 

 

And this is why speed and idiots don't mix.

 

 

In case you're wondering, yes, I'm still planning on buying a sport bike.

More amazing and unorthodox art. Kudos to Mr. Daniele...

 

 

The fact that people can come up with and pull of stuff like this will never cease to amaze me. Wow.

I am of the opinion that the Esplenade should be uprooted from its foundation in Medicine Hat and transported to Lethbridge, where it sh ould be dropped squarely on top of the Yates, thus removing a thorn from the side of the Southern Alberta musicians, and bestowing a gift upon the populace. A gift of class and culture, not to mention a damn good building with an acoustically sound concert hall. And a spiral staircase. A spiral staircase is the embodiment of culture. Having blacklights backstage goes a long way to increasing prestige as well. Nothing like watching a bunch of white tuxedo shirts glowing in the darkness.

 

Playing before an audience of maybe 400 people, I would say that the Lethbridge Symphony put on its best show of the season so far. As I'm sure all the musicians are saying, 'what a difference a good concert hall makes.' Or, simply put in the words of Michael Lowings, 'the bad thing about getting to play in a really good concert hall is that you cannot make mistakes.'

 

For those of you unfamiliar with the workings of music, specifically acoustics, specifically the acoustics in the Yates Theatre, the Yates is a vacuum. Any sound produced is instantly sucked into a void of silence, nullifying any artistic rendering in the forms of dynamics, staccato, and short notes. One has to compensate for such shortcomings, and, if such a theatre is the only one regularly performed in, habits are formed. To play in such a resonant hall as the Esplenade, though glorious, it is demanding and unforgiving. Acoustics are a double-edged sword. A dead hall kills the artistry and little nuances that make music enjoyable; it also hides the little mistakes. The opposite is true of a good concert hall. It broadcasts everything to the listener's ear, good, bad, and otherwise.

 

But enough about acoustic nuances. The concert. It was the same format as the one played in Lethbridge; beginning with Henry Wood's Fantasia on British Sea Songs. The difference in concert halls transformed this peice from 'wonderful' to 'magnificent', the clear calls of the horns and trumpets resounding through the hall. Next was the Sherwood Legend Concerto for Horn; again, the concert hall did wonders for the musical performance. My Fair Lady was again a good performance, and, as with the Lethbridge concert, the Vaughan Williams was the highlight of the night. Taking advantage of the Esplenade's superiour acoustic endowment, the Symphony performed superbly, providing a memorable night to the patrons who attended. I give the concert a 9/10, and hope that there'll be another one out in the 'Hat this season.

I disagree, Andrea. Today is not a day for Pink. Today is a day for battening down the hatches, and staying under cover 'till the storm blows over.

 

TOO MANY HORMONES, RUNNING RAMPANT AND UNCONTROLLED THROUGH THE AIR AND HUMANS!

 

To be specific, steroidal hormones. The male and female sex hormones, not the cortisol ones. Unless cortisol has something to do with your sex drive. I suppose I'll find out later. And if you have no clue what the hell I'm talking about, take Bio 30. It's loads of fun. And very educational.

 

So take my advice. Stay indoors today. Close the blinds, pull the drapes, turn all the lights off, and retreat to the basement with a good novel. But not a romance novel. That defeats the purpose. Preferably fiction of some sort, with fast-paced action, lots of blowing stuff up, and plots for world domination.

 

Tommorow is another day entirely. By all means, go out tommorow! Hit all the retail stores and grocery stores and stock up on chocolate and little cinnamon hearts and those cheesy heart candies that have sayings on them!

 

But fine, wear pink if you want to, just don't expect me to. I'm perfectly content to dress in dark colours and skulk in the shadows. Don't mind the kid in the corner...he's just being disgruntled for the sake of disgruntlement.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Oh, and happy Valentine's Day. <3

The concert last night was a success. It went really well, and au contraire to some people's opinions, the Vaughan Williams Symphony No. 5 is really quite a brilliant peice. Perhaps I shall attempt to record it on Wednesday, when we go repeat this concert out in Medicine Hat. There will be a review of that concert posted as well.

 

The orchestra played four songs and an encore, Starting off the night with Henry Wood's Fantasia on British Sea Songs. It went fairly well, a couple of minor intonation and synchronization problems, and a minor interruption of applause halfway through. Finishing off the first half was Sherwood Legend, by Elizabeth Raum, horn solos by Thomas Staples. After the intermission, there were selections from My Fair Lady, and then the crown jewel of the night, the Vaughan Williams. It was superbly done, and should sound even better out in Medicine Hat's better concert hall. For an encore, the symphony played Nimrod, from Elgar's Enigma variations, an excellent end to the night. Overall, a 7/10.

...and pigs really do fly.

 

If you provide a great enough amount of thrust.

 

Southern Alberta has snow. Or at least, parts of it do. And I wouldn't speak to quickly, but it looks like it might actually be here for a while. Where undisturbed, the snow is about 12 inches deep. Where piled up due to shovelling of sidewalks, it varies from knee high to thigh high. Last time I saw snow deep enough to throw kids into was Intermediate Reunion, back in November.

 

In other news: I realized yesterday that I am destined to be a minority for my entire life. Except for when I'm dead, because everybody is either already dead, or going to be dead. I also got my income tax return finished. Now I just have to mail it. I also realized the other day that I'm going to be doing income tax every year for pretty much the rest of my life. That would be depressing if it didn't conotate getting money back from the government.

 

In other news: Blonde doesn't just apply to the female gender. Males can be just as...dense. Or maybe it's just that when certain people team up, they overpower everyone else with their sheer mischeif factor.

 

In other news: Symphony concert tonight. It should be good. I'll post a review tommorow morning.

Issue XI addition: Person

 

Band: Trans-Siberian Orchestra

 

Song: The Gift - Seether

 

Word: disambiguation

 

Book: The Psalms

 

Number: 5

 

Mando'a Phrase: Te ruug'la'hat mav cuyir cyare ni, par Ni dajun miit'gaanar bic. [Teh ROOG-lah-haht mahv KOO-yeer SHAH-ray nee, pahr Nee dah-JOON MEET-gah-nar beek]- History will be kind to me, for I intend to write it.

 

Quotable Quote: I am prepared to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter. - Winston Churchill.

 

Chuck Norris: Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

 

Why did the chicken cross the road?: To boldy go where no chicken has gone before - Captain James T. Kirk

 

Camp Memory: "I KILLED THEM! I KILLED THEM ALL!!! MUAHAHAHA"

 

Locale: Moscow, Russia

 

Food: Medium rare buffalo steak

 

Stupidity: Society

 

Person: Albert Einstein

So. This is the new look. Notice the large bank of speakers at the top of the page. If I actually had something like that hanging from my ceiling, I probably wouldn't have a house left standing after the sound test.

 

Anyway. Let me know what you think of the new layout. I'm still adjusting to it myself...

 

In other news: political correctness is for 'tards.

 

 

I mean, sure, it's nice to try not to offend people, but when you're bending over backwards to appease the minority, and offending the majority in the process, there's something bloody wrong.

 

 

1. I will carry a gun. Preferably, I will carry two guns.

2. Anything worth shooting, is worth shooting twice.

3. Only hits count.

4. If my shooting stance is good, I'm probably not using cover or moving fast enough.

5. I will shoot and continue to shoot until the threat no longer exists.

6. If I can choose what to bring to a gunfight, I will bring a long gun and a close friend. (In my case, a Marine with a rifle).

7. In ten years, nobody will remember the tactics, calibers and other details of this fight. They will only remember who lived.

8. If I am not shooting, I should be moving or reloading.

9. Accuracy is relative. Most combat shooting is more dependent on the "Pucker Factor" than it is on the inherent accuracy of my guns. Fear will not command me. I will turn it into cold rage and use it for fuel.

10. Someday, someone might kill me with my own gun. But he will have to beat me to death with it, because it will be empty.


Si vis pacem, para bellum.



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